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Fantasy X Ride
jarielann@gmail.com / 15 / Singapore

accidental tourist, delusional chink, poodle-lover












Tuesday, May 31, 2011

time will take you on it's tide

my feet was hurting like a bitch I swear. Some of our class girls went to haji, bugis, arab st just to get all the props for carnival day(we better do well or our efforts literally go down the drain) and after that C insisted on neoprints thus we spend the next our bombing neoprint machines. 3 to be exact. A and I went to get our nails done after they left and am back to get my feet massage+get jeans cause I'm getting fat. Speakin of which, I shall do a 5 secrets about me:

1. (it may sound disgusting) I always force my poop out almost twice to thrice a day cause I want to get thin.
2. I like glaring at people on public transports and they often behave awkward. I feel bad afterwards but it kinda gets funny no? I sound horrible.
3. I mentally reply text messages so I often forget to virtually reply them.
4. I hide my feelings very often but have really sudden outbreaks.
5. I really am not weird and hate it when people go "can you behave normal?" it's just my personality bitch.

Now it's no longer a secret. And it feels good to let them out.

Friday, May 27, 2011

that's what i'm talking about

It is times like this when things are good, and everyone is happy about basically everything. Cheap thrills like going to the supermarket to get ingrediants followed by heart to heart talks and chilling by the pool make time pass so much faster. So, basically, Mun yee and and i went over to Chenlyn's house for a massive-bake-a-thon. I swear her living rooms smell so good then. Oh the smell of good ol' cupcakes baking in her massive oven. -thumbs up-


We had a good time. Perhaps it was only me hahaha, i swear i was so annoying. Running up and down her house, and all around the supermarket singing the cadbury theme song feeling like a 3 year old kid getting new barbie toys. Chen had to cover my mouth at one point cause of the sudden adrenaline rush that made me go bonkers. Okay, enough of the crap. I was normal by the time we left the supermarket and had a cup of soghurt before heading over to her place where all the fun and madness began. It was indeed a great day, it's starting to feel that everything's gonna work out just fine, even PTC went well! 4 A's 1 B's and 2 C's. well, at least i improved -pats back-




*back from my bath! The cupcakes were delicious and edible by the way(so much for self-praising) :-D








Friday, May 20, 2011

isolated

so, i've been reading this girl's(she doesnt know me, neither do i know her, though i met her a couple of times) blog and it appeals to me that she was once aneroxic. And what made her overcome it was a sentence from someone who cared. And at that point in time, all that had ever gone through my mind was that it would be nice for someone to find out all the self-inflicted pain and rather emotional unstability that i've been going through and tell me that it's okay, and they will be there for me.

It's not that i'm attention-seeking or anyting. but, do you actually know how it feels to be isolated? maybe not, or maybe i'm just not the type would might seem to be the kind of people that generally look 'alone' but then again, i feel that way. It's just my mentality, i hate that i'm constantly playing mind-games with myself, which seem to get me no where. Then again, maybe its just my esteem thats forcing me down. Hopefully all the hectic schedules and dance rehearsals will keep these thoughts out of my mind for the time being.

It'll be MOD 1 performance tomorrow, another on the 6th July in the Esplanade, Swan Lake on the first week of decemeber and TK's dance concert on the last. Rehearsals rehearsals. I've been pretty hard on myself lately. Dancing almost everyday, exercising constantly and trying to just cut down on meals to get me through the day. But apparently, its not working.

Here's to an abrupt ending before i divulge in some good aglio-olio spaghetti(ironically) cheers! :-)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

It's all good.. I hope

Rrrrrright! Everythings going good lately. Though I overslept for half an hour when I was suppose to meet Syafiqah at 10, I met her at like... 11. Long John for breakfast and was sitting next to an Angmo dude that speaks perfect singlish. (He was quite hunky too). Ah anyway, back to the topic, we went to chill and starbux and get our ih project done and went to Kbox haha. It was good. Went to avril's concert after and it was a blast. What made it better was the gay dude infront of us who was constantly fist-pumping the air and doing the dougie while screaming "I LOVE YOU AVREEEEEEL WOOOHOOOO" I kinda felt embarrassed for him lol.

Today was great too:-) 64/70 for Chinese paper. So fucking happy. And dance was pretty damn dope today. And I purchased my PARAMORE shirt from a friend. Hopefully I'll get it by tmr:-) yay! I could feel sugar in my veinsSSsSssS.

Some people should learn to stfu, some should just grow some balls.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

a little more caution

on a brighter note, ive decided to step out of my room and wish my mum a happy mothers day. Sigh, am still having tuition later though and a family gathering afterwards. But that's okay. At least I could still see the smiles on others faces and my couzzz:-) and it'll be pretty eventful tomorrow cause I'll be going to avril's concert. And the day after, back at reality. On a random note, I dont have a crush. At all. Like for once in 163872190 years. I gave up after 2 years. -sense of achievement- I could finally let go of something. Shall have a third entry later if I don't get home too late. And I just went to hug my mum, and we didn't even glance at each other for a moment.

Hold back your tears put them to use some joyous day.

That's just cliche

So well, I disappeared for the longest period of time just because I was dwelling over nonsense and just shutting myself from the world once again. CTs are just over and mr ng secretly told me that I got first in class for chinese(now it no longer is a secret huh). It's funny how I can't really converse in Chinese but often do well in that subject as compared to the others.

Anyway, today is mothers day. Shit happened the day before. Fuck all these nonsense happening to me right now. You know, the pressure is just too hard to take, and it kinda cuts me deeper each time. I dont feel the mothers day love, and am actually more enthu about the elections. This is bad. So, to conclude my efforts went down the drain. I often tell others that I'll forget it after a couple of days, but really who would be brave enough to forget all that has once hurt them. School has also been a bore, just trying to fake a smile every fucking day, and it has been a downright torture. I miss the love I once had.

Then again, I've never actually feel more love from others except for my family. It sucks to feel all alone. And bottling everything up inside just so others will not worry is worst. I'm such a fool, guess am just more than meets the eye.

I love you. I miss you.